Every Couple Should Ask These Questions to Know Each Other Better (2024)

What do you think of when it comes to spending quality time with your partner? If the first thing that pops into your head is pizza on the sofa watching Love Is Blind (not that there’s anything wrong with that) ... think again. What if tonight, you could strive to deepen your relationship by trying something a bit more thoughtful?

Asking questions about each others’ feelings, dreams, desires and needs is an amazingly effective — and easy — way to truly know your partner. “It will either bring you closer or push you apart,” says Noah Kass, LCSW, a psychotherapist in Brooklyn, NY. “How you manage these conversations determines the direction. You want to ask questions that foster empathy for each other’s experiences.”

This means that what you ask should require open-ended responses. “Yes or no questions can quickly shut down a conversation,” Kass says. “Instead, you want to create a relationship space where truth feels safe. Yes or no questions touch only the surface, revealing words but not the thoughts and emotions behind them. Open-ended questions, however, dig deeper and explore what may feel unfamiliar. These discoveries are what move relationships forward.”

Kass suggests that you start by using open-ended phases in conversation with your partner, which can lead to a deeper connection. Some of these include:

• What did that feel like?
• How did you know?
• Tell me about it.
• What was that like?
• What were you thinking?

You can use this approach any time, anywhere, to make a conversation more meaningful. If you want to talk specifically about your relationship, Kass recommends trying these questions to learn more about your partner’s perspective:

• How do you think we’ve changed as a couple?
• How can we manage conflict better?
• Tell me about a time when you felt I understood you most.
• What do we see for our future?
• What do you hope for us?
• What do you fear for us?
• Tell me about a time you felt misunderstood by me.

“These questions open doors,” Kass explains. “Open-ended questions help you work together as a team that is focused on maximizing the relationship’s potential.”

Of course, a meaningful conversation can be fun, too. Set up your question and answer session like a good time — you can ask questions on date night at your favorite restaurant, in the car, in bed, or yes, on the sofa with a pizza between you. Here are 150 great questions for couples to get you started — and of course, let your partner ask you the same questions right back!

If you want to know them well, you have to understand where they came from.

• What is your very first memory?
• When you were between 5 and 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?
• What was your favorite TV show when you were little? Why did you love it?
• Who was your favorite teacher? Why was that teacher amazing?
• Did you have a favorite toy? Describe it to me in detail!
• Did you have an imaginary friend? Give me the 411 on them!
• What was your most amazing elementary school moment?
• Who was your celebrity crush as a kid?
• Who was your first best friend, and what were they like?
• What was your first big disappointment as a kid?

You may know some of these already. If not, catch up!

• What’s your dream vacation?
• Who are your favorite actor and actress? Why do you like them?
• Who is your favorite president of all time? Why?
• What’s your all-time favorite piece of clothing? Why do you love wearing it?
• What was your favorite band in high school? Now?
• What’s a guilty pleasure of yours I don’t know about? Why do you love it?
• What would be your perfect day?
• What was your happiest birthday ever like?
• If you could have a junk food feast for an entire day, what would the menu be?
• What’s your favorite time of day? What’s your perfect thing to do then?

Get the info, then do the opposite!

• What was the worst meal you ever had?
• Which sport have you tried and hated?
• What’s your least favorite holiday?
• What was your worst date ever? What did you hate about it?
• What color do you detest?
• What movie could you simply not stand?
• What’s your least favorite way to talk — text, email, or Facetime?
• What’s worse to you, smoking or chewing gum?
• What’s the meanest thing anyone ever said to you?
• What was the worst day of your life like?

Ask these so you can love them the way they want to be loved.

• What’s something I do that always makes you feel loved?
• How do you really feel about foreplay?
• Do you have a secret you would only want to share with me?
• What is a hot fantasy you’d like to live out but haven’t had the nerve to ask me?
• What would be the biggest dealbreaker for you in our relationship?
• How do you think your parents’ relationship shaped you?
• Do you get turned on seeing me in a sexy dressed-up outfit or jeans and a t-shirt?
• What was your biggest heartbreak ever?
• Do you believe in love at first sight?
• Do you think you can really stay friends with an ex?

Learn more about the people they love most.

• Do you have anyone in your life who you consider family even if they're not biologically related to you?
• How do you think your parents’ relationship shaped you?
• Which member of my family makes you feel the most comfortable?
• Who is the funniest person in your family?
• What family memory is the most meaningful to you?
• What’s a piece of advice that a family member gave you that you live by?
• Do you prefer a big family gathering for the holidays or a small dinner, and why?
• What’s the biggest disagreement you ever had with family?
• Who is the coolest ancestor you have? What did they do to be so cool?
• What was your favorite meal your parents made when you were growing up, and do you think we can try to make it now?

Celebrate those accomplishments!

• What achievement in your life makes you feel the most powerful?
• What is the greatest challenge you ever met in your career?
• What do you think is your best physical feature? (Don’t be modest!)
• What are you proudest of when it comes to our relationship?
• What do you think are your three best qualities?
• What is the hardest problem you ever solved?
• What is the best compliment you ever received?
• What is the bravest thing you ever did?
• Which of your skills do you think is the coolest?
• What is your prized possession?

Ask these to make sure you're both on the same page and headed in the same direction.

• What does our dream home look like to you?
• How far do you like to plan ahead?
• Where do you see us in five years?
• What is your dream future purchase once you save enough to buy it?
• Where is your ideal place to live?
  
• How many kids do you see yourself having?
• When it comes to money, do you like spending or saving?
• What bad habit are you totally determined to break?
• What’s the biggest dream you have that’s yet to come true?
• What country would you love to visit for the first time?

How does your outlook align?

• Do you believe people are basically good or basically bad?
• Is violence ever justified?
• If a friend ever betrayed you, would you forgive them?
• Can you forgive a partner after they've cheated?
• What public figure do you find to be the best influence on people?
• Would you tell people that you did a good deed, or keep it private?
• How much do you worry about climate change?
• What's the best way to go about improving the world?
• Is it better to be selfless or look out for yourself before anyone else?
• Would you feel comfortable lending a family member or friend a lot of money?

These would-you-rather queries help set up a happy home.

• Do you like hot weather or cold temperatures? Why?
• Do you like our bed chem? Do I steal the comforter too much, or do anything else that wakes you up?
• When you have an argument, do you like to make up quickly or hold a grudge?
• What song sticks to your brain and annoys you when you hear it too much?
• How do you really like to unwind after work?
• How do you calm down when you feel anxious?
• How do you exit an awkward conversation?
• What’s your favorite way to chill and do nothing?
• Would you like it if I threw you a surprise party?
• Do you prefer cooking the perfect burger at home, or hitting your favorite drive-thru?

With these you'll figure out how your perceptions of each other match.

• Do you remember what I was wearing when we met?
• What did you think of me after our first conversation?
• What made you decide we belong together?
• What annoying habit of mine do you actually think is cute?
• What can I do to make your world feel safer?
• How do you describe me to your friends?
• What’s the one thing I haven’t shared about myself that you’d like to know?
• If you could go back in our history together, what moment do you wish we could relive?
• What would you like to change about me?
• Do you consider us best friends?